Why Kids Don’t Need to Behave During a Family Photo Session

One of the biggest worries parents have before a family photography session is whether their children will cooperate.

I hear things like: “My kids never sit still.” “My toddler is wild.” “I hope they behave for the photos.”

As a family photographer in Edmonton, every time I post on social media, I get comments like:

“I wish I had kids who behaved this well.”

I always laugh a little inside and think:

“There is no such thing as a perfectly well-behaved kid!”

To be honest with you, a quiet child who stands still and waits for instructions can actually be more challenging for me during a family photography session.

Why Wild Kids Make Family Photo Sessions Easier

Think about your daily life as a parent. A noisy, chaotic environment is probably what you experience every day. What does that mean? It means your kids are energetic. Sometimes maybe a little too energetic, but they make your life feel alive. When it comes to a family photoshoot, kids running around, making up silly poses, and bursting into big laughs create photos that feel energetic, exciting, and joyful. That’s the life you live every day. Those are the memories you want to keep.

Now think about a family photoshoot with adult children. Would your photographer ask all the adult kids to run around and wrestle with their parents? Probably not. For those family photos, we usually want something more formal, calm, and relaxed.

Young children are different. Your wild kids don’t need me to tell them exactly how to pose for family photos. They just need space to have fun and burn off some of that extra energy. All I need to do is invite them to play with me.

But I have also photographed very well-behaved kids. They quietly stand there waiting for instructions. They don’t naturally interact with their siblings or parents. They don’t run. They don’t laugh. They don’t fight. When I ask them to cuddle their sibling, most kids naturally start laughing or teasing each other. But these children simply cuddle and then look back at me, waiting for the next instruction. As a photographer, I can pose people. But that may not be how your family actually behaves in everyday life. My goal is always to help people engage and be themselves.

With very well-behaved children, it often takes much longer for them to relax and become fully engaged. I guess that’s exactly how many parents hope their children will behave. But when I look through the gallery afterward, I see beautiful light, beautiful scenery, and beautiful portraits — but something feels missing. The energy! Maybe those photos are perfect for that family because they truly value calm and quiet moments. But if your child is naturally wild and energetic, would you really be happy with photos that don’t show that part of who they are?

Follow Your Kids’ Rhythm During a Family Photography Session

As a family photographer who has photographed families in Edmonton for many years, I find that the biggest reason children don’t want to cooperate is simple: They’re bored. Another common reason is that they simply don’t feel good physically. Think about it from a toddler’s perspective. If someone asked you to stand still and kiss your partner over and over again for an hour, you’d probably get bored too.

Of course kids cry.

Of course they refuse.

Of course they try to run away from the camera.

The first few minutes of a family session are usually spent figuring out whether I should take the lead or whether I should let the child take the lead. Some kids love joining whatever game I suggest. Other kids naturally want to take the lead and decide what we’re going to do. Neither is good or bad. It’s just a reflection of their age, personality, and family environment.

Sometimes I’ll suggest moving to a new location. The kids immediately decide to go in the opposite direction. I usually try my suggestion once because I’m looking for a specific light angle or background. But if I get a firm rejection from the kids, I’ll often follow their lead. Most of the time, they are perfectly capable of doing what I wanted ten minutes later when we are ready. It’s important that children feel seen and understood during a family photoshoot. When that happens, they trust the process more, enjoy the session more, and become much more willing to participate. That’s usually what photographers mean when they talk about a relaxed, unposed family photography session. I have an older blog post about how to prepare your children for a family photo session. It may help you get them ready and make the experience more enjoyable for everyone.

There Is Usually a Reason They Refuse to Participate

I always say kids are simple. They don’t usually have the complicated reasons that we adults create for ourselves. Sometimes I see a child refuse to join any game, or they just can’t fully engage in the session. When that happens, I usually ask everyone to take a short break and then ask the child directly:

“Are you mad?”

“Are you sad?”

I often get answers that completely surprise me.

“I want to play on that playground.”

“I wanted to go to that bridge, but my mom said no.”

Most of the time, I immediately ask the parents:

“Can we go to the playground after we finish the session?”

Usually the answer is yes. Other times, parents have a good reason why not.

What I’ve noticed is that children often don’t need to get exactly what they want. They just want to feel heard. They want to know that someone understands how they feel. As soon as they feel seen and cared for, their mood often changes completely. They become happier, more engaged, and much more willing to participate. Games are usually the most exciting thing in the world for a toddler. If a game isn’t making your child happy, there is probably something else going on inside their little mind. Sometimes the simplest solution is just asking them how they feel.

As adults, I think we sometimes lose the ability to identify our emotions clearly. But trust me, kids almost always know the answer. Check this resource on children’s emotional development.

As a Family Photographer, I’m Very Tolerant

Kids are kids. They scream. They yell. I’ve had children “help” me record behind-the-scenes videos with my phone. I’ve had kids help themselves to my props. I’ve also met children who spent an entire session talking about poop. I know these behaviours can drive parents crazy. I often hear parents saying: “Hey! Don’t do that!” Even during a very smooth session, I still hear that several times.

I know social media has created this idea that children should always be calm, cooperative, and perfectly behaved. People seem to have less patience for kids simply being kids. But as a family photographer, I expect almost anything from children. As long as they don’t burn down the park, I’m usually pretty calm. You’ll often hear me tell parents: “That’s okay. I don’t mind.” Sometimes I also tell children directly: “I don’t want you to do that.” The feeling that you constantly need to correct your child can make you think: “My child isn’t cooperating.” But from my point of view, your child is usually okay.

Most of the time, they’re simply being a kid.

The End

So if you’re worried that your child won’t cooperate during your family photoshoot, you’re probably not alone. But after photographing families for years, I’ve learned that the children parents worry about the most are often the ones who create the most meaningful photographs.

The kids who run.

The kids who laugh too loud.

The kids who refuse to stand still.

The kids who want to visit the playground instead of taking photos.

Those little personalities that sometimes drive you crazy today are often the exact things you’ll miss years from now.

Because family photography isn’t really about perfect behaviour.

It’s about remembering who your children were during this season of life.